Margot Koeppen

 A golden child is often the product of being raised in a "faulty" family dynamic where the child is expected to be very good at everything, never make mistakes, and feel highly obliged to meet the aspirations of their parents, according to board-certified psychiatrist Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, M.D.

"To be clearer, a golden child is held responsible for the family's success. Parents appreciate and adore them and, in a way, reinforces them to become better in whatever they are doing," she tells mbg. "A golden child is an example for others to follow. Even the siblings of the golden child are compared with them to create continuous pressure on their performance; to ensure that they shouldn't fail or fall short in their good behavior and accomplishments."

Children who possess the characteristics of a golden child are typically raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian, she adds. Because of how strict their parents are, these children are unlikely to feel safe enough to voice their own opinions or go against the rules of the home.

"Their main purpose in life is to satisfy their parents' needs and procure success, name, and fame for their family from outsiders. Parents consider [them] an asset to the family and always make them appear superior in front of others. The parents exert discipline and action and force the child to reinforce their desires. The child feels dutiful to satisfy what the parents want them to do, even if they do not like it," she says.

 Victims watch aghast as the Flying Monkeys go to work, and are staggered that they can’t see the narcissist for who they really are. But pause to consider:

• Narcissists are the ultimate con artist. And let’s face it, they are able to con their own victims for a very long time. They are extremely effective at manipulating, projecting their faults onto others, deflecting blame, and charmers. They are able to hoodwink Flying Monkeys using many of the same tactics as their victims.
• Flying Monkeys are often weak-willed, easily manipulated and gullible – even when faced with contradictory evidence.
• They are often just as toxic as the narcissist themselves and delight in the opportunity to pile into a hate campaign in order to destroy someone they fear – authentic, strong, principled, un-corruptable etc.
• They may well have some other loyalty to the narcissist that overrules any sense of empathy towards the poor victim – for example, they want the status of being aligned with this seemingly charming, successful and charismatic character, their job relies on their loyalty, they are dependent on the narc for an inheritance coming their way, or they derive some other benefit.

 As the narcopath’s smear campaign gets underway, they surround themselves with these loyal disciples. Their role is threefold:

• To do the evil bidding of the narcopath – by spreading malicious gossip and isolating the victim from both their key support network (friends & family), but also from anyone in the social or business circle of the narc. By enlisting the help of third parties to do their bidding, narcissists are able to keep their hands clean and above reproach.
• To defend the narcopath against accusation. Although it is the narc who abused their victim throughout the majority of the relationship, who behaved appallingly in so many ways, who was undoubtedly unfaithful and who was without the one person responsible for the failure of that relationship, the Flying Monkeys will defend them to the hilt. More often than not it is the victim themselves who are portrayed as abusive and crazy.
• To prop up the narcopath’s false view of themselves in order to protect their fragile ego. Bear in mind that on discard, the narc is vulnerable – they have lost a valuable source of narcissistic supply, and there is likely to be evidence of their transgressions and misdemeanours which could dent their reputations – they desperately need reassurance that they weren’t at fault, that they were justified in their actions, and that society will deem them to be both victim and hero.

 The narcissist will need somebody to dump their frustration and disowned rage on. The second oldest or the most outspoken child will be designated as the ‘problem’ child and be put down severely at any chance. Other children in the family may follow the narcissist’s lead and unwittingly dump their rage and shame on the scapegoat. 

 The Mastermind/Manipulator –

He is sinister, selfish, and abusive. Paired with the golden child the role, the mastermind and manipulator will turn into a narcissist. He is driven by entitlement and coerces people through manipulation. He is sneaky enough to operate just below the radar and he uses the dysfunction and the rest of the family to his own benefit. He intentionally creates conflict among family members to get what he needs and what he wants. He knows how to put on the charms and can manipulate even the adults in the family. He can also take on the quality of a sinister jokester, echoing the words “What’s the matter? Can’t you take a joke?”

My yongest brother I believe was cast into this role, my regret is that I didn't reach out to him when he was a lot yonger. I was told he was "special" and it was amazing that such a special child could function. I didn't realize how everyone else in the family thought about him till a few years ago. 

A lost child is any children who have not been designated the role of golden child or scapegoat and will be neglected and encouraged not to rock the boat. They grow up with a sense of not knowing who they are or how they fit in the world, as well as a burning feeling of shame and inferiority.